January: New Year, New You. That phrase written in marker across my penis, which is photographed very close up.
February: Me, topless, presenting a woman with a very suspicious, vibrator-shaped box. Which contains an elegant, yet not ostentatious, tennis bracelet.
March: For SPRING break, me feeding the end of a Slinky spring into my urethra.
April: Me chained nude to a tree for Earth Day. Groot slash fic, here we come!
May: Geez. It’s hard to come up with…wait, my Butt! I forgot about my butt. May is a butt-centric month, whatever it is.
June: June is beach time. Me, volleyball net, volleyball, and…I guess that’s all the volleyball stuff. So that and me naked.
July: Me with a bunch of those snakes fireworks growing a gross huge ash write out of my groin.
August: Like July except out of my butt.
September: More like SepTIMBER! A lumberjack theme. Me in some suspenders, which are suspending my sack because I’m NUDE. That’s the point of the calendar, people.
October: October is easy. Me 69’ing a ghost.
November: That’s my birthday month. So definitely me busting out of a cake. Butt-first.
December: Because we missed No Shave November so I could do cake shenanigans, this month is Burt Reynolds’ Playboy shoot, except we photoshop my penis onto his body.