I found some ceremonial ribbon cutting scissors online. They had cool gold handles and they are guaranteed to cut ribbon.
They are also guaranteed to cost $200. That’s an outrage. Maybe once my business is set up and I’m opening shit on the regular, maybe then I can foot the bill. You know, when you open 200 things, that’s about a dollar per thing. So that’s reasonable. But right now, we’d be talking about $200 per thing I open. Even more really because I haven’t opened anything yet! According to my calculations, every thing I don’t cut a ribbon for is costing me $200. I’m bleeding money right now, which is a great slogan for a plasma donation center where that’s really true.
Plus, the big scissors looked kind of chintzy. Is chintzy a racist word? It kind of sounds racist to me.
I didn’t earn Librarian of the Year by not being creative. Not specifically for that reason, anyway. There has to be a way.