In His Old Age, They Put Pete On A Chunk Of Ice And Send Him Out To Sea

[shouting from the ice chunk]

Wow. Thanks assholes. Thanks a lot. Isn’t this just a tidy way to wrap up a life, huh? I’ll just float away into the mist here and be gone with my quiet old person dignity. At least that’s what happens from your perspective, right? For me? Oh, well I’m already laying flat on here to keep from tipping over. I’m grinding my crotch into the ice just for a tiny bit more grip, that’s how desperate this is. So very distinguished. He took it like a man, they’ll say. And then I expect I’ll eventually fall into the sea and make a terrified attempt to reboard the ice, which will fail, and then I’ll sink into the water, too cold to swim but fully aware of what’s happening to me. Yeah, this is much better than someone sneaking up behind me and stabbing me in the brain with a spear while I’m eating a Twix. Why replace what could be days of agony with something quick? That would just be against our ways, huh fellas?!