Author’s note: this is so super made up. Not real. Thank fucking god.
Me: I’m here with Mick Jones, frontman and writer or co-writer for all of Foreigner’s greatest hits. Mr. Jones, it’s a pleasure to be here today.
Jones: Thanks, Pete.
Me: I just want to get right into it. “I Want To Know What Love Is.” What was the inspiration for that song?
Jones: Well, for a time I was living in a trailer park. There was this young girl who lived a few trailers down. She was quite underage, but I found myself very attracted to her. On a spiritual level. I just felt like we really connected. So that song was based on my relationship with her, or rather my feelings for her.
Me: Oh. I didn’t know that. Um, okay. Let’s move onto “Waiting For A Girl Like You.” How did you get the idea for that one?
Jones: Same girl. Same thing, really. God, she was just so perfect. I’ve never been attracted to someone I shouldn’t have been like that before or since. But goddamn if she didn’t do it for me.
Me: Heheh, okay. Iiiiiii, well. Let’s try “Cold As Ice.”
Jones: Same.
Me: “Hot Blooded”?
Jones: You know it.
Me: “Juke Box Hero.” Ah-ha! What was that one all about? Maybe a concert or something?
Jones: Nope. It was just a metaphor. About how when it feels right, it just feels right. Same girl.
Me: Goddamn it. I’m going to ask about “Urgent” but if the answer is that girl, I just want you to not say anything.
Jones: Ah, yes. “Urgent.” That was about the girl too.
Me: I told you not to say!
Jones: Yeah, well I did. I’m Mick Jones. You’re…whoever you are.
Me: You realize I can’t listen to Foreigner any more.
Jones: You never could. You were living a lie. Not my fault.