Yesterday I discovered a disturbing secret. Turns out that Granny Smith, the apple lady, has a mysterious middle name. All I know is that it begins with L.
My top ten guesses:
1. Louise- old lady name, solid. Nobody named Louise isn’t old or a ghost. This is a checkable fact.
2. Leticia- Turns out there was a big coverup about Granny’s Latina roots. “Smith”? Yeah, right.
3. Licker- Not a granny at all, the maker of these apples has a fetish for old time lady parts.
4. Lime- Tragically, towards the end Granny Smith had a smidge of Dementia and confused limes with her apples. The colors were close enough if you’re demented enough.
5. Layla- a discovery which proved true that ALL of Eric Clapton’s songs are boring. A love song about an apple? Wow.
6. Loser- Granny’s parents gave her a terrible middle name to spur her on to make something of herself. And boy did they kind of succeed.
7. Lite- Granny had a sister. Who was a bit on the heavier side.
8. Load- Same scenario as above but with the roles switched.
9. Lube- Secret use for apple sauce. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. THEN you will be able to knock it very easily. There’s lots to complain about within that idea.
10. Lopsided- Face it, many a granny ends up pretty lopsided.