I do not have a good beard. Or mustache. If I ever have a good mustache, I’ll grow the hell out of it for the simple reason that I’ve been waiting my entire life to have a man’s facial hair come out of my head.
I have no sideburns. As in none whatsoever. Again, perhaps someday I’ll have insane sideburns, smoke cigars, and work chopping wood into smaller woods. We’ll just have to see.
For now, though, a very thin beard with missing patches.
Which is why I was baffled by a single, rogue hair growing awfully close underneath my right eye. It seems that, rather than filling in or expanding the beard border, a hair has decided to go deep behind enemy lines and dig out a defensible position. What purpose is behind this is unclear. What I DO know is that it’s very annoying and I’m not happy about it.
I mean, my face hair is very unfair. Neck beard I have. The rest of the beard, not so much. Eyebrows that connect, just barely? You bet. A mustache suited for anyone but a man from the news who was led away in handcuffs after they discovered a basement filled with corpses? Not so much. Nose hair? Yes. Hair that grows under the nose in a sweet mustache? Fuck off.
It’s a new an disturbing frontier out there. One day, friends, I’ll give up. I’ll become a true old man. Let my eyebrows connect an just wear glasses. Allow the nose hair to creep out, finding myself almost entertained by the feat it’s managing.
For how, though, it would be nice if there was some sense to what was happening with me, face-wise.