“Thanks for joining our insane, useless service! I know you got tricked into signing up for this because only a complete lunatic with SEVERE head trauma would think that he wanted daily updates from us. But hey, welcome to the loony bin! We’ll be texting you every couple hours for the next little bit to inform you about deals that you won’t even really understand. If you wanted to stop this for whatever reason, just text Stop to this number.”
~
“Hi! We noticed you texted ‘STOP’ back to us. That’s interesting because the code to make these stop is ‘Stop.’ There’s no need to yell, Pete. And yeah, we know your name. We know everything about you. Did you enjoy that cookie with the chocolate and coconut on it from WaterCourse? I’ll bet you did. We have a lot of deals to tell you about. But for the time being, just go ahead and wipe the little fleck of chocolate from your lip. And if you want to stop this, again, just text Stop to this number. No biggie, bro.”
~
“Ah. Well, thanks for clarifying. I guess I’ll just keep these details to myself. They’re not really for you anyway. They’re really for a higher caliber of man, you know? So this will be the last message. We realize that it’s a weird system to text Stop and then still receive one more message confirming the Stop message. But you know what else is weird? That mole behind your ear. Watch your back.”