By special request, here is absolutely everything I know about the World Cup (with guest fart by Nica):
*Apparently, there is a country called Slovenia. What the fuck? Not only is that a real thing, but they beat somebody else. How do you even go home and admit that? “We got beat by a place that I’m not sure is even real.”
*There is a distinct ratio that shows that the less able your country is to be to afford arenas, weird silken shirts, and even soccer balls, the more likely they are to have shitloads of them.
*The taliban turned a soccer field into a killing place. This is suppsoed to be very telling of something or other, I think. I don’t know. People seem really obsessed with it. How about you turn a Victoria’s Secret into a killing ground? That’s some Bret Easton Ellis shit right there.
*David Beckham’s cologne comes in a red box.