SITCOM APARTMENTS- giant, hardwood floors, vintage decorations, Manhattan.
REAL APARTMENTS- ceilings low enough that the shortest of men dread entering, carpet spilled on enough that it has lacquer similar to a hardwood floor, decorated with a “can you believe someone was throwing this out?” panache, absolutely not Manhattan.
SITCOM BARS- everyone knows your name, different attractive people there from time to time.
REAL BARS- I count myself amongst the coolest people in most of them, which is 100% an indictment of the horribleness of bars, 0% an endorsement of me.
SITCOM LAUNDROMATS- the perfect place to meet an attractive lady who wears nicer clothes on laundry day than you’ll be buried in.
REAL LAUNDROMATS- between the heat and miserable atmosphere, uncertain whether you are in a holding area between life and the underworld. Also uncertain, do bums sneak into the underworld to catch some latenight shuteye?
SITCOM COFFEE SHOP- fun, light atmosphere where we can just hang for hours.
REAL COFFEE SHOP- you wear a jacket and hat and push patio days into late November in hopes of avoiding the real life counterparts to Friends characters. Especially Phoebes and Joeys.
SITCOM SUBWAY- crowded and weird.
REAL SUBWAY- pee.
SITCOM CLOTHES- the fanciest Express has to offer.
REAL CLOTHES- the fanciest sweat pants Target had to offer three years and a lot of wear and tear on the crotch ago.
SITCOM PAJAMAS- exist, sometimes even a robe on top.
REAL PAJAMAS- the fanciest sweat pants Target…