Signs I’ve Tried Hanging Above the Exit to My Apartment

NEVER STOP BELIEVING

TRY TO BELIEVE UNTIL AT LEAST 4 PM

SHOOT FOR BELIEF THROUGH THE LUNCH HOUR

AT LEAST READ THE SIGN ALOUD

READ SIGN ALOUD WITHOUT WEEPING

NO MORE WEEPING

LESS WEEPING

CONTROLLED BURSTS OF WEEPING

[JUST A PICTURE OF ANOTHER HUMAN REACHING FOR A HUG]

[PICTURE OF ANOTHER HUMAN REACHING FOR A HANDSHAKE]

[PICTURE OF ANOTHER HUMAN REACHING FOR A HIGH-FIVE]

[PICTURE OF ANOTHER HUMAN WHO IS GOING TO LET YOU KEEP THAT PEN, BUT MOSTLY BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT TO TOUCH SOMETHING YOU’VE TOUCHED]

NO WEIRD MIDDAY BONERS

ACTUALLY, WEIRD MIDDAY BONERS