Good Evening.
I wanted to take a break from talking about pee-pees and wee-wees to talk about something that means a lot to me: Our Elected Shitheads.
Okay, I said I wouldn’t talk about pee-pees, but I can’t make it a whole day without talking about shit. I’m just a man.
I have ten brief things I want to say about government shutdown. Before getting into the nitty-shitty (oy, I thought I could make it longer than THAT) I’m going to be very honest about where I stand, what my agenda is all about. This is something you will never get from your traditional news sources.
-I make just over $40,000 a year. Gross.
-I received grants for my undergrad degree as the child of a single parent who excelled in school. I’m working down a $20,000 dollar student loan from graduate school that allowed me to get the $40,000/year job. This is the entirety of my debt. I have missed ONE payment due to changing my bank and not changing my information online.
-I currently pay for my own health insurance and have for the past 6 or 7 years. I have used it twice for routine doctor visits in that time.
-I put money into a 401A retirement.
-I work in public service. I see the public and am strongly of the opinion that the needs of the public are greater than what we’re providing. This includes everything from good jobs to education to assistance to police training. In every way, I think there’s room for improvement.
Basically, what I want to get across here is that I’m doing alright, but not gangbusters. Living within my means and looking towards the future. I would definitely qualify myself as a low-impact citizen in terms of what I take from the government.
Okay, so now you know where I’m coming from. So let’s talk about where I want to go and get to the 10 Things.
Thing 1:
Being unable or unwilling to compromise is a show of weakness, not strength. It is weakness of will because you fear that even listening to other ideas will cause you to lose the thread of your own. It’s weakness of imagination because you refuse to look at other possibilities. It’s weakness of personality because you feel that if you can’t think of something better, nobody else can either.
Thing 2:
Big ideas are always rolled out and then tweaked, not perfected first. Video games always have bugs. Most books contain a typo. These are small, contained projects, and they are not perfect. A large, messy, on-going project is even more difficult.
Thing 3:
We’ve made a misstep, and we made it in an attempt to avoid a different misstep. It would have been nice to make a misstep while trying to actually do something as opposed to making a misstep in trying to do nothing. If you try and fail, there’s something to learn.
Thing 4:
If you think that a human being doesn’t deserve to be cared for when sick or injured, you are by definition a bad person. Fuck you.
Thing 5:
The entire insurance industry is completely fucked up. No doubt. Honestly, I can’t imagine a worse system. I don’t see it as a bad thing that the government and small business owners start fighting with the insurance companies, start having a vested interest. They are the ones who have the power to change them.
Thing 6:
The entire medical industry is also completely fucked up. The cost of pills and procedures is asinine. Again, I wouldn’t mind causing a situation that forced our government to start working in this arena.
Thing 7:
If you are a small business owner paying minimum wage ($7.78 in Colorado, by the way. So that’s $16,000 a year. Gross) and not providing health insurance, you cannot afford your employee. Your business has not thrived enough to warrant the hiring of staff, and by occupying 40 hours of a person’s week and offering only this in return, you’re living beyond your means and I do not weep for you. You’re not the CEO of a big company. Accept it and mop the floor yourself before you lock up at night.
Thing 8:
If you are a worker who loses his or her job as a result of these changes, you are getting fucked. This is probably not a new experience for you. I’m not going to patronize or suggest that this is an opportunity to reach for the brass ring, go back to school, or pursue a new, more lucrative career. It is my personal hope that people in your situation would be cared for and that you would not slip through the cracks as usual. That people in your situation would be part of the plan here. I have little faith that this is true, however, as I have very little faith in the foresight and compassion of elected officials. As a willing worker, you’ve earned better. You’ve earned better.
Thing 9:
Members of Congress have access to healthcare. Pretty good healthcare, by the way. See for yourself. Dental is included, as is some mental health and substance abuse stuff. In addition, they can get services from an attending physician who provides preventative care, vaccines, and emergency care as well. So when we’re asking for a healthcare solution, just know that we’re asking a group of people who already have access to pretty great services.
Thing 10:
Okay, I guess I should have said this would be 9 short things and one long, really boring one. But here goes.
The American Dream. Fuck that shit. Abandon the American Dream in favor of the Personal Dream.
I’m not talking about an attitude of doing whatever the fuck you want and fuck everyone else. I’m not talking about every man for himself. I’m not talking to you if you’re dream is to become the next American Idol despite the fact that the only singing you’ve done has been drunken karaoke.
It’s a hard thing to accept, but here it is: You are not going to be a millionaire. You’re not. Which doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. It just means that in order to enhance the parts of your life that make you happiest, you will have to sacrifice some things.
So what’s the plan, then?
The plan, the way to get to your Personal Dream, is to stop and think about what actually makes you happy.
I talk to people all the time who tell me how much they love sleep and how little they sleep. Ask yourself, would I be happier living in a smaller home if I could go in to work at noon?
Could I stay with the same phone for 5 years if it meant I could be at there when my daughter gets home from school?
Could I learn to cook at home so that I could afford a nice vacation every year, or am I happier eating out and waiting two years?
This is different from the American Dream because the American Dream is all about AND. I want a good career and house and a wife and three kids and a dog and two cars in every garage. It’s never a this-for-that exchange. It’s never, I want a house and a wife and kids, so I’m willing to sacrifice some of my career aspirations.
So think about it. Think about what you want and what you could do to get it.
I’m not judging your dream, by the way. Even if your dream is bad, your dream is to shit on the waterslide at a public pool, then you could look at what the fine’s going to be, find out how much it costs to totally clean a public pool, save the cash and fucking do it. Shit all over the pool. Turn the diving board into a diarrheaing board, then pee the diarrhea off the edge of the diarrheaing board (whoops, get to pee-pees eventually. Oh well…).
This is the premise for my business advice book, by the way. Shit on the Waterslide: how dreaming dreams and planning ahead will make you happier, more productive, and responsible for a biohazard disaster the likes of which your county has never dreamed of.
Here’s my only caveat:
If your dream is shattered by the need of every person to have access to good healthcare, then you can jam your dream up your ass.
My point is, there’s plenty of room for you to have what you need AND what you want while still fulfilling the needs of others. It’s just a matter of actually taking time and taking stock of your life and recognizing what those wants are instead of taking a shotgun approach, buying this, tanning that, or driving what you’re driving.
No one’s trying to take your dream away from you, okay?
And you lazy penisheads in the government who cause all this mess, get back to goddamn work Wednesday or don’t bother coming in on Thursday.