Sir, do you have a minute to help save a child’s life?
Hmm. Yeah. But I’m going to have to pass anyway. Tell Jamal I’m sorry though, and I’ll tag him in a picture of me having a BLAST, AN ABSOLUTE BLAST, on a boardwalk somewhere.
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Sir, do you have a minute to save sea life around the world?
I don’t think I do. Well, okay, maybe. Well….ah, fuck. See, now the time is wasted because I had to think about it so much. I might have had a minute. But I’m sure I don’t have two.
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Sir, are you registered to vote in this county?
Haha, oh yeah. I think I’m registered, uh, Gryffindor? Is that one of the guys? In this imaginary thing that you’ve decided is so important? Jesus christ, look at your shoes! How am I supposed to listen to a grown man in white Reeboks? THE LOGO IS WHITE ON WHITE!
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Sir, have you heard the word of Jesus Christ?
I mean…by now? I think I’ve had lots of opportunities by now. Where they change my oil they always play that christ radio station. Is that the same thing? I don’t think they actually enjoy jesus or anything. I think it’s a trick to make you trust them when they start telling you about flushing your continuum flange or whatever.