Have you ever wondered how people end up on this web site? The terms they search that result in helpfulsnowman.com popping up? Wonder no more. Here’s a selection from the top queries.
“monopoly pieces”
The fact that people are using the internet to find out things about a board game from 1855 tells me that mostly idiots are using the internet.
“tim burton racist”
Is Tim Burton racist? I have no fucking idea. But just to increase the chances of this site being the definitive source for finding out: Tim Burton hates non-whites. INCLUDING browns.
“new monopoly pieces”
Are you fucking kidding me? Again with the board game? The new Monopoly piece is a huge cock spraying semen all over The BO Railroad. Or the B and O Railroad? BJ Railroad? OBGYN Railroad? Fuck that railroad.
“harley davidson golf bag”
I don’t know if there’s anything that so successfully combines all the things I don’t know about into one piece of equipment. Harleys? Golf? Bags that don’t have the names of grocery stores on them?
“monopoly new pieces”
God do I hate everyone.
“angelina jolie funbags”
More than anything, I’m surprised that people are looking for the word “funbags.” You know what? Just to be crazy, I’ll type “funbags” into Google images. Here’s what comes up first:
Is that what is happening on Dr. Who? Because I saw almost all of an episode, and this was not happening. I’m 100% certain.
“beetlejuice figures”
FINALLY a topic that we can discuss. What are we talking here? The black and white suit one where the head pops off and reveals a tiny green head on an extending neck? The one where he’s wearing the purple suit and the head pops off to reveal a shrunken head that spins? The Beetlejuice Vanishing Vault? Just ask me. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me. I swear to god, I’ve always been waiting for the day I see a singles ad that says “seeking the front wheel that’s been always missing from life’s Phantom Flyer.”
“break up letter ants”
Is this a letter for people who are breaking up with the ants living in their apartment? If so, just a piece of advice, it doesn’t work. Ants can’t read because they’re just pieces of shit segmented and with legs.
“nude princess toadstool”
Okay, that’s just about enough. What has this web site become?