Would You Like to Take a Tour of Our New Features?

I sure hope so.  Because fuck off, you don’t really have a choice.  Go ahead, click something.  See?  See that?  See how I made everything else completely gray and popped up a window that informs you of the fact that you just clicked a thing?

You might as well have a fucking seat.

Okay, over here you’ll notice that we took a single stream of sorts and divided it into multiple different streams.  In completely non-useful ways.  So you can click more stuff.  You COULD always change it back.  We debated what to call the old mode.  We thought about “classic” but settled on “retarded”.  Because we feel like it’s more hurtful.

Ohhhh, get a load of this.  Remember how you had all the stuff you needed over on this side?  Well, now it’s laid our horizontally across the top.  In a different order.  And powered by pulldown menus that pulldown almost of their own accord.  Honda Accord.  Buy that.  I’ll send you a message, don’t worry.  We thought about incorporating that into classic mode, but decided to make this its own change as well.  You can go back to the previous style by clicking through a complete labyrinth of insane jargon that only belongs in the most boring of comic book movies, and then just click the box that says I’m A Huge Homo And That’s Bad And My Father Is Sad About It And I Am Just Bad Bad Bad.

We improved the chat feature.  Simply click your friend’s face and a small but powerful Latino man will go over to your friend’s house, cut his face off and bring it over to your house.  Done and done.