Update #347df7fgu7: Make laptop screen wobbly as hell on hinges.
Update#f87egsovufgv: Make bottom of computer get extremely hot within 4 seconds of turning computer on.
Update#78r89gfu: Turn volume WAY the fuck up so that next time I turn it on the ridiculous startup noise is loud as shit.
Update#fvyui87877: Cause keyboard to turn the word “From” into “Form” almost always.
Update#458ffv: Send subliminal message that convinces me to the most certain level that I have celery seed at home when I don’t, ruining a batch of sloppy joes.