Come in, come in! Welcome. Juuuuuust gonna need to see some ID.
Okay, great! Here’s a key to my apartment. I’m just going to slip that inside a little envelope with an ad for a burger place on it. I recommend that place big time. Like, money big time, if you get me. Wink.
Would you like a drink? Just water? Okay, well I have two options for you. I have a bunch of water bottles here. Those are gonna be a couple bucks. Or I can fill up this tiny plastic cup in the bathroom sink. I’m happy to do either.
Um, I’ll go ahead and fill it for you. The bathroom…well, it’s a little musty. The thing is, the only method I’ve found that allows me to be green is not washing my towels. I hope it’s not too bad, but I’ve been known to make you feel guilty about wanting clean towels too. But if you REALLY want a clean towel, just signal me by throwing the towels all over the goddamn floor.
I hope you enjoy your stay here. Oh, and I’ll need that key back before you leave.