Well, I’ll give you a guess which store stocks half-eaten Longjohns between car covers. Clues? It’s not Ikea. It’s not Pottery Barn. It is not even Sears.
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Let’s play a guessing game. Which of the following shopping lists represents a day in which Pete was shopping on his own?
List A:
Tasteful woman’s blouse (x2)
Bestselling book about a young woman growing up in tough times.
List B:
Boot that is supposed to be filled with beer.
Mega Man Anniversary Collection.
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Hey, I have great news about some cookies I discovered that I really like. They have a French name. And a picture of a little boy in a cape and boots printed on each one. And they’re expensive. If I had a dad, he would be making so many goddamn clumsy attempts to pin down my sexuality by now.
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How close does the floor drain have to be to the urinal before you just decide to get rid of the urinal entirely and go with the drain only? Seriously, I’m not trying to make a case like, “Rape victims ask for it by dressing that way,” but I sincerely believe floor-pisser victims could maybe be a little safer in terms of what they’re bringing on themselves.