1. Ask him if his hair is actually getting thicker, and ask what the opposite of receding is because that’s what his hair is doing. It makes him feel like he’s gaining hair and like you are not smart at words.
2. Wear the jersey of his favorite sports team man while also wearing no pants. This combines his two favorite things, sports and the feelings he is somewhat disturbed by that involve an almost sexual involvement with a group of 5-12 men he’s never met.
3. Have a printer make up fake newspaper articles about your ex boyfriends that either show how inadequate they are, mostly sex-wise, or that they died. Dole these out throughout the year.
4. Would it kill you to read goddamn Dark Knight Returns?
5. Pick a Street Fighter character and say he’s your guy. Hints: do not pick Ryu or Chun Li.
The rest are pretty much oral sex related. 95 oral sex things.