Just wanted to say thanks. Without them this wouldn’t have been possible. Well…actually, those assholes mostly ate time. The zoo? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m trying to turn the world of rock music on its head and we’re supposed to go look at a bunch of pens that have two weird horses in them? What an amazing help that family was.
My son crapped his pants 18 times during the songwriting portion of this album. And that’s only since I started keeping track. It’s probably more telling that he crapped his pants enough that I decided to tally it. That’s really all you need to know about how much he craps himself on average.
I wanted to thank my manager. Sort of. It’s not like the guy is taking this shit on pro bono. I guess he could be worse. But then he would just get fired. I don’t know. Someone told me you’re supposed to thank your manager in here. So thanks.
Big ups to my homeboy Jesus Christ, without whom I never would have picked up the guitar. Wait, no. Not Jesus Christ. The Jesus and Mary Chain. I always confuse those. I don’t mean any disrespect to Jesus Christ. I’m just not familiar with any of his guitar work. He looks like one of those skinny dudes who would have awesome fretwork, but who knows?
My parents. Do you ever think about how your parents fucking the way they were fucking is what made a certain sperm hit the egg and made you? If your dad hadn’t been railing your mom’s hungry orifice just right, everything would have been different. But it’s not, so thanks to them for fuckin’ like they were born to do it.
My band members too. We’ve been through it all together. That time we dumped the RV sewage on a tour boat in Chicago just like Dave Matthews. The time we dumped the RV sewage on a tour boat in Seattle because we just wanted to. The time we dumped the RV sewage into balloons and threw them at a paddle boat in Philadelphia because there wasn’t a convenient dumping situation. They’ve always been there for me to create enough poo and pee to really destroy a tour boat.
Finally, thanks to you, the fans. You guys are such fucking idiots. I can’t believe you bought this. Not to mention the shirts, the stickers, the lighters. We even had a belt buckle. A belt buckle! Haha, man, idiots.