-When making Spaghetti-O’s, set aside 1/3 of the “sauce” to use later as a sauce in a terrible homemade French bread pizza.
-If you don’t have time to vacuum before a special guest arrives, simply use a rake to smash your vacuum and explain that the goddamn vacuum broke.
-Instead of checking your email every 5 minutes during the work day, check your email never, ever, ever.
-Taking out bags of trash is a chore. To save time, serve all your garbage to a goat. People will tell you that goats can’t eat trash. This is 100% true. However, dealing with a bi-weekly goat corpse is a lot easier than dealing with a full bag of trash every three days.
-Have new shoes that need breaking in? Find a poor person with the same size feet as you and have him walk laps around your house while wearing your new shoes. Make sure to line the shoes with plastic bags first so that you don’t come into direct contact with the feet of the unmoneyed.