Okay, old men of the world. I’ve seen a couple odd fashion choices the last few days that need to be addressed. Not so much fashion choices as the inappropriate uses of clothing. Let’s go ahead and discuss a few of these.
Jeans for Jogging
Sure, we’ve all been tempted. Jeans are tough. Jogging is tough. Why not? And to a certain extent, I agree with the idea of training with extra resistance. I don’t really know why, for example, every cyclist on the road is dressed in form-fitting, brightly-colored jerseys. If you’re really that into it, wouldn’t you be better off wearing sweats? Or a mascot costume? I would certainly be better off if you were wearing a mascot costume, in terms of being amused on the way to work and having something to bring up during conversational lulls for the next several days.
So I can see, somewhat, why jeans could be the key to unlocking your old man fitness potential.
That said, I doubt it. And jeans are chafe-y. And if you INSIST on running in jeans, I’d say go ahead and wear a pair that’s without the stiff creases that old men are so fond of in their jeans.
Leather Weight Belt for Gardening
Alright, you ARE doing some of the motions that I see in the weight room.
I feel very mixed on this one. On the one hand, something I really respect about old men is their attitude of “I’ll wear what I want and go fuck yourself if you don’t like it.” I appreciate that. However, gardening amongst flowers in your front yard suggests to me that you somewhat care about creating a harmonious environment of sorts. Which your leather lifting belt doesn’t jive with. I’d suggest a more appropriate back brace, which is probably going to serve you better anyway. OR, if you’re embracing the attitude of Go Fuck Yourself, I’d say embrace it fully and allow your front yard to return to its natural state of dust and Twizzlers wrappers.
Tucked-in Polo and Slacks for Lawn Mowing
This one I’ve seen multiple times. THe only reason I can think of for this is that you have very few events left in your life, so your solution was to make ordinary things into Events. You’re not doing the dishes. You are embarking on a dish-cleaning adventure, complete with a full backpack of mountain climibing equipment and a bear bell. Maybe you don’t wash your car, you prepare your car for the arrival of the royal family, detailing it to a level that even a royal eye could not object to. And so, when mowing your lawn, you make it a ritual as well.
Perhaps as an old man, you are hygenic and have never really had a problem with odors and the like. If that’s you, I applaud you. I really do. Odds are, however, that you’re not. I’ve smelled my fair share of old men. I don’t want to focus on the why of that last sentence, but take my word for it. What I DO want to say is that I suspect that most old men are not as fresh as they imagine themselves to be.
If your lawn-mowing outfit is discarded, if that is truly your lawn-mowing outfit, then I can’t really do anything to stop you. The one thing I will say is that you must change afterwards. For my sake and your own.
Mechanics’ Suits
I don’t know that I object to the idea on this one. I just need to double-check that you are not nude underneath. That is forbidden.