“Do I need more than three clubs?”
“If I only need 3 clubs, do I need a whole golf bag or can I just carry them around?”
“Can I have someone carry a separate set of clubs that I could use for tantrums?”
“Are any of these trees endangered and how would someone feel if I wrapped a golf club around one of them?”
“Is there such a thing as an endangered tree?”
“Do I need to bring some kind of coaster to set down drinks on the green?”
“How fast do the little cars go in reverse?”
“Do I have to bring tees, or can I stick with my preferred method of having a small Asian boy balance the ball on the tip of his nose?”
“Can I smoke?”
“What if there are alligators on the course and I feel that my safety is increased by having the option to put a cigarette out in his eye should we be involved in a clinch?”
“Can I just play nine holes and times my score by 2 and change?”
“Is this one of those places that gets all uptight about whether they feel a man’s jean shorts are long enough?”
“Does the course have a decent sound system, or should I bring headphones?”
“If I’m going to need a hat to block out the sun, is it preferable that I wear a really shitty baseball hat or should I dig from the trash the straw/paper hat I wore when I fell in a river earlier this summer?”