Hi Kathy,
I was trying to think of something to start this off with. Something that might soften the blow here. When I was young, my mother and father used to play piano together when they fought to keep us from hearing in the next room. You could always tell, but it made the fighting seem nicer somehow. I’m trying to come up with a little bit of a piano here to lead into what I’m about to say. It’s just not working quite yet.
When we’re together, I feel like we’re together. When we’re apart, though, I can’t help but feel like you’re not even thinking about me. Like if I disappeared, just up and left, you would forget about me entirely. Maybe in a day. That stings, Kathy. It stings hard.
But some of it is me. I’m different. I feel different. Freer somehow. Like an animal of some kind. Not a vicious animal. A delicate, graceful animal, but one that just got a taste of the outside world. Some kind of an unchained zebra. Or maybe a horse who just got out of horse jail.
And maybe a prisoner is a good analogy. It’s like a child molester, you know? I don’t think prison really changes a child molester. Being locked up doesn’t really make them not be cool with that, right?
I’m sorry to take it there. That’s really awful. I wish I wasn’t writing this goddamn thing in pen. But you get what I’m saying. Certain things you can’t change. Like that child molester, or the prison horse.
It’s been very sweet being together. Sweet as sugar. With honey mixed into it. And Sweet N Low.
But here’s the thing. I could stay, sure. I could stay here with you. We could do that thing, the thing where we stay together and have 2.5 kids and 1.9 dogs and some other bizarre number of cars. And part of me wants to do that. Really.
But me and the Lord, we’ve had a talk. And we’ve concluded that I can’t change. We mostly talked about that. Some about why he invented ants, but mostly about me and change and how those two things don’t really work out so well.
Did you know that a lot of times they make older ants do the foraging because it’s so risky and they figure those ants will die soon anyway? Really makes you think.
Anyway, sorry. We’re not really talking about ants right now.
The point is, I can’t change. I just can’t. It’s not going to happen.
I’m so sorry.
Anyway, I’m rambling. In fact, I went ahead and just slapped five or six pages of ramblings onto the end of this that you can read if you want. I’d estimate it takes about eight minutes to read all of this, so when you have time.
Sincerely,
Allen