Times I’ve Worn Black Socks, Ranked from Most to Least Appropriate

With a suit at a formal gathering.

With a nice sweater and slacks ensemble at a semi-formal occasion.

With dark jeans a nice shoes while wearing a polo shirt.

While wearing sneakers and jeans because it was laundry day.

While wearing sneakers and shorts.

While wearing sneakers and shorts on a treadmill.

While just getting something out of my car real quick, no shoes at all.

While just getting something out of my car real quick, no shoes, and a shirt/pants combo where the shirt was long and the pants were short, making it appear I was wearing no pants at all, just a long shirt and black socks.

While ACTUALLY wearing no pants and a long, baggy shirt.

While nude, outside of the socks, that is.

While nude, outside of the socks, and also with an iPod Shuffle clipped to my pubic hair.