After looking through some Urban Dictionary synonyms for vagina for yesterday’s post, I felt like I had a responsibility to point out some of these and why they are so unacceptable.
“Meat Acceptor”
Okay, very funny. But c’mon. Let’s maybe stay away from taking names off the Oscar Meyer factory floor and applying them to anatomy. It’s a dark path to go down, and I fear we may dig ourselves a hole that is inescapable. Plus, pound for pound, a vagina is probably designed to be more of a meat pusher-outer than acceptor.
“Juice Groove”
It’s not terrible. EXCEPT that I was ONE GODDAMN DAY from opening my new smoothie place, Juice Grove. And now I can’t. Thanks a lot, assholes. You weren’t satisfied with 999,999,999 words for this one thing, you just had to invent one more.
“Arbys Sandwich”
Awww. C’mon. I’m not even a big fan of Arbys. I probably only eat there once every three years. Whereas I have contact with vaginas…okay, that one’s fine.
“Mush Bucket”
Jesus christ, that’s vile. This is starting to make me question whether I’m seeing the same sorts of vaginas that everyone else is seeing. I’ve never seen anything I would categorize as a bucket, or as mush, but maybe I’M the weirdo here.
“Grumph”
Is this a grumpy vagina? Can a vagina be grumpy? Actually, nobody answer that. I don’t know if I would ever describe a penis as “grumpy.” I mean, pulsing with sores is not a good situation, but “grumpy” doesn’t really explain things thoroughly.
“Rusty Pelican”
That’s another one to avoid. Anything nautical is a bad way to describe a body part. It’s going to be gross. If you’re coming up with a word, and it’s a word primarily used by guys who drive forklifts to describe their work, try again. Try harder this time.