Dear Coffee Place,
I think your place is great, and your coffee is anything but disgusting and horrible. It’s very good.
Thanks for all you have done.
from your awesome fan,
Kya
****
Dear Kya,
Thank you so much for your card. It was really helpful to me. I was just discussing with my employees, “Guys, I’m worried that our coffee is disgusting. Maybe even disgusting and horrible.”
But boy did your card ever ease my anxiety.
I didn’t find your card to be disgusting and horrible either. Nor did I find it condescending, rude, hurtful, emotionally debilitating, or meaner than a junkyard dog with his ballsack caught in another junkyard dog’s teeth, who is mad because that’s just his nature and we shouldn’t really blame him.
Probably a good tactic you’ve invented here, letting me know all of the things that are NOT BAD instead of good. It gives the thank you a real punch.
The best part is that I wasn’t completely destroyed by a card like this sent from a small girl. I didn’t read it while in the back, then fall against the fridge door for support, than slowly sink to the floor where I laid and wondered what I’ve done. Dear god, what have I done?
-Pete