Romney urges grads to honor family commitments
Grads likely received message despite being so fucking wasted, bro.
*
Syria militants claim responsibility for blasts
Bullshit, Syria. I’m calling your bluff. Peaceful old wallflower Syria? Nice try. You’re just trying to get bad boy cred. What happened to those other nice countries you used to hang out with?
*
At Least 100000 March in Spain Over Austerity
At least 8000 say, “For what now?”
*
Police probe death of La. man after being stunned
Stunning, probing. Way too much going on here, guys. Also, how is it a death after being stunned? Shouldn’t it say Police probe death of La. man after being made dead?
*
Betty White breaks 90-year silence in politics, backs Obama
Well, it’s about time. What we’ve all been waiting for. I always suspected that Rue McClanahan was silencing the Golden political opinions of those Golden girls. But no more.
*
What to Expect from the Maps App If Apple Ditches Google Maps in iOS 6
Can you even imagine? Can you even wrap your mind around that? God forbid.
*
Johnny Depp on ‘Dark Shadows,’ working with Tim Burton
Tim is really great. This isn’t at all a situation where he must have some REALLY SERIOUS SHIT on me and I have to work for him until he dies and takes something to his grave, which is refreshing.
*
For the first time, researchers track manta rays with satellites
Good. Now we can make sure those Bums of the Ocean keep it moving. Stupid asshole rays.
*
Cutbacks Hurt a State’s Response to Whooping Cough
Oh, banana oil! says doctor from 1921.