Softball:
Pro: Pretty sure I could play equally well drunk.
Con: I look real bad in a button up shirt that is too long and goes below my crotch when untucked.
Volleyball:
Pro: I’ve actually played this one before.
Con: The frequent exclamation of teammates: “I thought you said that you’d played this before.”
Basketball:
Pro: Being able to tell people that I have a game to get to.
Con: The confused look on their faces when I say the word “B-Ball.”
Flag Football
Pro: I could probably convert a simple grass skirt into a homemade flag belt.
Con: I’m starting to think that none of these rec sports will start with the word “topless.”
Dodgeball
Pro: Because everyone plays at once, it’s less likely people will notice the way I throw a ball right away.
Con: I don’t think I could tolerate weekly references to the motion picture that goes by the same name.
Inline Hockey:
Pro: Full-face helmet avoids embarrassment of saying, “Guys, I gotta put in my mouthguard real quick.”
Con: This is 100% serious: These motherfuckers smell worse than anything I’ve ever smelled. He hated that I bring it up, but several months ago my brother hurled in my car. It’s starting to get hot outside these days. That smell isn’t NEARLY as bad as the smell swirled around by these bastards as they skate in circles chasing a ball. I don’t understand what they think will happen if they wash their shit. If my apartment smelled as bad as the gym when I enter it on hockey day, I would give myself 3 days to find the source before being forced to move to a different apartment.