Because I find that I get a lot of the same questions about monocles, please read the FAQ. If this does not answer your questions, you may then fill out the contact form at the bottom of this page and I will do my best to answer your query.
Q: What is a monocle?
A: Ah, dear boy. It is the most splendiferous of eyewear. What we’ve done is taken glasses, broken off all the important structural components, and reduced the number of lenses by 50%.
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Q: What are the advantages of a monocle over, say, a pair of glasses, or contact lenses, or absolutely nothing?
A: Have you ever been wearing a very nice pair of designer glasses, but the logo is far too small for anyone to really appreciate how much money you’ve wasted? Well, no more. Now people will understand you are so fucking rich that you can spend twice as much on half as much. Plus, you can now give people a window into your mind so that they will understand how much of your time they’re wasting. Someone hands you a document? Well, maybe you put on your monocle, maybe not. Depends on how interesting it is.
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Q: Sounds great. Are there possibly any disadvantages?
A: Only if you are prone to the type of facial expressions that involve movement of the eyes, cheeks, lips, or angle of the head.
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Q: How do I know if a monocle is right for me?
A: Take a look at the list below. If you can say “Yes!” to most of the qualities here, a monocle may be just what the doctor ordered.
Do I…
-…ever think, “Glasses are great and all, but I really only do most of my looking with one eye”?
-…find binocular vision to be an activity of the poor?
-…wear only shirts with pockets in them?
-…own different pairs of white gloves for different activities?
-…already have set aside a pair of monocle-from-pocket-retrieving gloves?
-…write only in fountain pen?
If you answered Yes to any of these, a monocle may be right for you. If you didn’t, it may be because your taste is so advanced that a monocle is even righter.
Or you’re poor. If you’re poor, please stop inquiring about monocles.