Hello Out There,
While I do want to thank you for your prolific comments, I have to say that so far I haven’t been fooled. Okay, there was the very first one which took me to a web site for sex swings. And I wouldn’t say I was FOOLED, I would say I saw naked people fucking, which if that’s a joke then I need to read a hell of a lot more joke books.
But to the rest of you, I’m not really buying it. Let’s talk about why:
“These toys have a Velcro opening in their mouth to allow catnip pouches filled with Feeline Groovy Organic Catnip to be replaced when worn out.”
Hey, thanks for letting me know. That would be great if I had a goddamn cat, a goddamn desire in my body to have a goddamn cat, or a goddamn urge to not strangle a goddamn cat until its head popped off into the goddamn bathtub. Look, cats are fine, but they can buy their own goddamn drugs.
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“Good brief and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you for your information.”
Okay, this one is closer. Except for the fact that there are no briefs, no mail, and most of all, no information. And unless your college paper had something to do with MS Paint versions of snowmen or my feelings on Quiznos, you must have written the shittiest paper since the spam you wrote.
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“Keep up the good work, I like your writing.”
Nice try, fucker.
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“Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!”
Again, I don’t know who you think you’re fooling. I’m way more likely to believe that you are real if you’re criticizing. Seriously, who goes around telling people what nice little blogs they have going? And if you are a real person, stop reading. I don’t need anyone like you reading this shit. I can run this all into the ground just fine on my own, thanks.
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“Oh mankind that you so much for your despatch at settle time. It helped me in my assignment. Thanks Alot”
Well, I would say that you should consider switching away from Alta Vista Babel Fish.
Thanks again. And, as always: Justin Guarini gets web site hits!
Also, as suggested by Matt: “Justin Bieber” And just in case there are sick fucks out there: “Justin Bieber Naked.” Be ashamed.