Someone is going to answer for this shit.
If you work for a company, and it’s not a company that considers its primary function to ruin other companies’ products with stickers, then for the love of fucking fuck, before you put a sticker on something, try removing it from that something after it’s slapped on and sitting somewhere for 8 months.
Because this is bullshit.
Because I hate to break it to you, purveyor of stupidass wooden tray, but that sticker is not meant to be placed on wood. I’d say a proper application is something along the lines of using it to hold together pieces of an aircraft. Or maybe to be placed over someone’s mouth in a home-invasion scenario. Really any situation where the stickiness is used to either continue or end lives.
And you couldn’t have put this fucking thing on the bottom? Would have just killed you to put it on the bottom, wouldn’t it? At least that way I’d have the OPTION to ignore it, if that’s even possible. I’m sure that some people who live in the sewers could probably get past a shitty sticker all over the bottom of their brand new tray, but I’m not a man of the sewers. Not yet.
So enough already. Because if you think about it, having your sonofabitching brand all over this tray IS going to make me think of your name first when I go to buy another one someday. And the second thing I’ll think about is, “Why do I know that name?” And the third thing I’ll think is, “Oh, that’s right! Those bastard fucks!”
Oh, and for anyone who thinks I’m overreacting, that it’s just a serving tray, I have good news for you. You can save the effort of sending me an invitation to your next dinner party (which I’m sure will come via text because paper invites just aren’t scummy enough for your kind), and I can just go buy my own Little Caesar’s Hot N Ready and then cut each slice a second time to make it go further, thereby replicating your trayless dinner party experience.