1. No smoking in the fountain.
2. Even in an astronaut bubblehead thing that would make it possible.
3. No wearing underwear under your bathing suit. This means you, weird foreign kid.
4. Fat kids may go in with a shirt but only if they are also pantsless.
5. Wear some kind of shoes you fucking animals. This is still a place of business. God knows why we put this plaything in the middle of our business area of downtown, but here we are.
6. If you go in with a Band-Aid, you will not be allowed back out if the previously-accounted-for Band-Aid is missing.
7. The fountain is not for bathing.
8. The fountain is not for bathing, but if you are a particularly ripe bum, go for it. It’s preferable. We’ll try to ignore the oily rainbows that develop on the surface of the water.
9. People who are 18 and over do not play in fountains. So be aware, looky-loos.