“Well, I like when I come back from the bathroom and the food is there. So I figured that if I drink a lot, I’ll need to use the bathroom more, thereby increasing the probability of having the simple pleasure of returning from the bathroom to a sizzling plate of terrible fajitas.”
“I think someone turned the temperature way up in here to try and sweat us out. It’s not food spices, I’ll tell you that right now.”
“Watching kids destroy individually-wrapped 3-packs of crayons is such a ridiculously bad thing for the world that I don’t know how else to cope.”
“It’s the only thing suppressing me from screaming at someone for using that worthless push vacuum thing that must have been invented for the sole purpose of keeping hosts busy.”
“We are using this whole fucking gift card. There’s no way in hell I’m coming back here again.”