Double-Sided Business Cards: This way, every time they’re sitting in a fishbowl and waiting to win a free lunch for the whole office, everybody can see that your business is cheap and desperate for a free lunch. Also, why don’t schools get business cards and then put them in those bowls. They’d break every sandwich shop in town, but they’d save a lot by forcing someone else to feed those bastard kids once in a while.
Lidded Laundry Basket: No more stupid cats sleeping in your laundry. I don’t even own a cat, but every goddamn time I do laundry I turn around and there’s a fucking cat sleeping in my laundry. Alternative: Laundry baskets with mean dogs who have their paws glued to the bottom of the basket.
Waterproof Computer Mouse: Waterproof=Cumproof. There’s really little else to say about that one.
Standardized Shapes for Shampoo and Conditioner: Okay, if shampoo is always curved, conditioner always squared off on the edges, you’ll know which is which with your eyes closed. And if you’re showering with your eyes open, you’re living life the wrong way. You should have your eyes closed by sleep, disgust for your own body, or because you’re tipping back a beer in a glass bottle.