Who knew this whole thing would turn into such a political fiasco?
Okay, in hindsight, I can admit that part of this is probably my fault. I shouldn’t have put a bunch of jerkoffs in charge and then given them wands. Wands. What was I thinking? I mean, the cool thing about power is that someone can’t just grab it from you. The uncool thing about power in a wand is that someone can just take it while you’re on the shitter or something. Plus, if you think about it, everyone is either holding their wand while on the shitter or leaving it somewhere where someone can steal it. So every wand is either stealable or has been in the shitter.
This whole wand thing was real fuckin’ stupid.
But then I figured, okay, just send out these Marios to go take care of business. And I swear, I didn’t know at the time Bowser had these 7 kids the Marios would have to beat up. Don’t get me wrong, the kids are bad dudes, but there’s something really unsavory about a grown man smashing a child until his spine compresses. Especially because I’m fairly sure that one of them has some kind of a learning disability. His eyes, they’re never quite in agreement about which way they’re looking.
And I need to make sure and clear up this whole P Wing business. No, a P Wing is not a euphemism for penis. And when Mario says that he used a P Wing to beat one of Bowser’s children, he is not referring to beating someone with his genitalia.
Christ, there’s so much to handle here at the castle. Sometimes I start thinking that maybe it’s just easier to get goddamn kidnapped at let Toad, that nude deviant, deal with all this.