Chuck Norris is so hard to face that he didn’t meet his illegitimate daughter until she was 26.
When Chuck Norris writes a column entitled “C-Force” only 90% of people immediately equate the “C” with “Cunt”.
Chuck Norris is so badass he felt no shame about writing the following intro to his book Black Belt Patriotism: Wake Up, America!:
It seems like wherever you turn these days, the news is bad. Illegal immigrants are swarming over our borders. Our nation and American families are crippled by debt. We remain vulnerable to Islamist terrorist attacks. Judges ignore the Constitution and instead legislate from the bench. Faith and traditional values are under incessant assault from the media, leftist lawyers, and the liberal establishment. The core message of the Declaration of Independence–that everyone has a God-given right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness–is under threat from liberals who deny the right to life (or even the very idea of God-given rights), and who think the answer to every problem is a government program. They think that God, if He exists, might not know best, but liberal-run government certainly does. If you’re worried about the direction our country is going, you’re in good company.
The only board Chuck Norris can’t break is the Board of Directors for the National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools, which he can’t break only because his membership MAKES IT UNBREAKABLE!
Chuck Norris stomps gays so hard that the Bravo network changed its name to the “Watch Out for Chuck Norris Because He Will Stomp Your Shit” Network.
The only union that Chuck Norris believes should happen between two men is the union between his fist and Bruce Lee’s face.