My Sex Talk is All Tainted by 90’s Nickelodeon Programming

After a couple glasses of disgusting wine she showed me the Legends of her Hidden Temple.

What can I say?  She Double Dare’d me, and I was up for the Physical Challenge.

And I’ll tell you this:  I definitely pushed the button that sent off the glitter fountain deep inside her Aggro Crag.

It took a Ted McGriff level of scheming,  it was worth it.

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society [removes pants]

Sometimes I like to take charge in the bedroom.  But sometimes I like to just sit back and let Clarissa Explain it All.

Be careful when picking up a lady in Thailand.  They have a real…CatDog thing going on there.

There I was, holding the pieces of a condom, and all I could think was “This thing came apart.”

I was looking in her medicine cabinet and I found special shampoo for, you know…Rugrats.

Alex Mack, if you’re out there, let’s have sex.  Seriously.  This is the end of haha joke time.  I’m 100% serious about current day Alex Mack sex.  I’m not good at it, I’m remotely located, and there’s really nothing in it for you other than me telling EVERYONE.