2008:
Man, everything was going great, and then my wife totally blindsided me, told me she’d been fucking an entire biker gang and that she was slowly poisoning me to take all my stuff. I’m still shaking just thinking about it.
2009:
Well, I was poor as hell, then this nice, rich white woman took me into her home. She was far less racist than her accent would have you believe. I got blindsided, and I’ll never forget it.