What they ask when I go to Starbucks and order my reg-lee-err coffee:
Would you like room for cream?
My options:
Option A: Say yes. This is a problem because I am such a masculine man’s man that I can’t cotton to saying that I would like cream, which I would not. The other day I was at a Starbucks and saw a dude dump what must have been a full cup of cream into a coffee. It was sickening to watch it pour out of the carafe. If you still like cream, try this: Imagine the smell that comes out of that metallic, unwashed, unrefrigerated carafe after it’s been sitting out all goddamn day full of cow cum. Disgusting.
Option B: Say no. The problem is, I don’t need room. FOR CREAM. But something I need even less is for the cup to be full so close to the top that the Earth’s natural rotation will cause it to begin spilling immediately. Guys, it does not need to be THAT full. Give me a half-inch of space. I promise I’m not going to come back in furious because you screwed me to the wall with this half-inch of missing coffee here. I’ll be fine, and if I need that extra half-inch I’ll order a BIGGER FUCKING SIZE.
What the real question is:
Do you feel worse about cream, or about coffee droplets all over your pants for the rest of the day?