Let’s see…it says here you type 120 wpm. Is that true? Wow. And what is a “whipum?” Oh, oh, I see. Yes, very good. And a 120 is a good amount of points on that? Excellent.
You listed “Administrative Assistant” as your past work experience. We’re really looking for more of a secretary. What? Oh, that means the same thing? Huh. You know, it would probably make more sense if you were called an “Administrator’s Assistant” or something like that. You didn’t really assist so much in the administration as you did in assisting the people who did the administering of shit.
No, no, I hear what you’re saying. And you’re right in a way. But in another, more accurate way, you’re totally wrong. To be candid, I used to live with a stripper and I washed her sweatshirt once. I would say that it assisted her, but I wouldn’t say I was a Stripping Assistant on an application. That makes it sound like I helped someone get naked, not that I paid no attention to my laundry and threw someone else’s shit in there on accident.
Let’s put that behind us. Tell me why you want to work for us.
I’m glad to hear you didn’t say money. I wanted to let you know that the ad was a little misleading. Nothing serious. It’s just that when they put “flexible schedule” the flexible part was supposed to be you being flexible on the idea of getting money on a regular schedule at all for doing exactly what I tell you. But it sounds like you’re really interested in the field more than anything, so I think this is going to be a great fit.
Please be here Monday morning at nine. I won’t be here, but text me, at exactly nine, a photo of you in the office with the day’s newspaper held up so that I can verify the date.