Stage 1: Fearless Optimism
Pete feels that everything is going great. The future is so bright that shades must be worn, and they are because Pete is always sure to wear shades during a long car trip. Music may be loud.
Stage 2: Math
Pete, after driving a couple hours, starts to do uncomfortable math, usually expressed as fractions. For example, We’ve been driving two hours, which is one-fourth of our total drive. This drive feels like it’s taken about three lifetimes. Therefore, this drive will take approximately 12 lifetimes before it’s goddamn over.
Stage 3: Zen Desperation
Pete attempts to console himself by imagining the individual feet going by, that each moment is bringing him slightly closer to his goal.
Stage 4: Consumerist Backlash to Zen Desperation
Pete completely abandons his own zen thought in favor of stopping at gas stations to purchase novelty items, such as smokeless ashtrays covered in skulls and wizards, shirts featuring groups of horses crossing an obstacle at a full gallop, or strawberry gums.
Stage 5: Greasy Exhaustion
Pete has settled in to the fact that he will never, in fact arrive at his destination. His body becomes a gelatinous mass of nothing but muttered insults for poor drivers. During this time, when his reflexes are at their absolute worst, he is likely traveling 90 MPH.
Stage 6: Arrival
Pete arrives home, nearly hits apartment wall due to high speeds maintained after lifetimes of highway driving.