“Debt Consolidation is a Snap!”
You have a shitload of debt. You’ve probably listed multiple schools on your profile, or possibly just one art institute. And just when you thought you could take a moment and escape thinking about your debt in the vapid wasteland of Facebook, there it is again. Prepare to have this experience replicated over and over for the rest of your life because you had the audacity to go to school and not be rich.
“Seeking 20-29 Year-Old Gamers”
You are involved in gaming and also sucker enough to be tricked into thinking that there’s a job that involves playing video games. Okay, there is a job, but it’s A job, not hundreds of jobs that they just can’t fill and therefore take out a paid ad. Believe me, if you are looking for 20-something gamers, you need to look no further than goddamn everywhere or at the rack of Scott Pilgrim DVDs at Best Buy.
“Counseling After Your Divorce”
You are divorced and you are on Facebook. This is less a situation where I should be telling you about your life and more a situation where you should be telling me about my future. In the meantime, enjoy looking through photo albums of friends of friends until the wee hours.
“Childcare in Colorado”
Stop posting stuff about your baby. Seriously, just make your baby its own profile and that way I can choose to friend your baby instead of you. If you friended me and I started posting tons of updates on how some idiot buddy of mine was doing, you’d be a little pissed off. So just make the little fella his own profile and send a friend request that I can pretend I don’t see in my inbox but am in reality studiously ignoring.