Dear Snowman,
When do babies start learning?
when do babies start learning words? my cousin told me around 10 months that they can actually comprehend the word and learn it. is that true?
Sincerely,
MissyKrissy
Dear MissyKrissy,
When are you going to start learning? Because from what I can see, you’re still crouched at the starting line, waiting for the gun to go off in this race of life.
You need to learn an important lesson: Whenever someone starts a statement with “My cousin said…” that statement is, invariably, bullshit. Cousins are conartists who play the long game by sharing some portion of a sperm with you in common. They don’t know shit. And whenever some idiot kid in school came up with a idiculous premise and was trying to make you believe it, the fallback was “Well, my cousin said…”
These cousins are not real. They don’t exist. They are not hiding out at the other middle school across town, along with the fat kid’s girlfriend he met at the grocery store who you never see and whose name he can’t remember. They are inventions of weak imaginations.
The next time your cousin tells you something, you tell her something equally insane for her to tell her friends. When she starts telling you that a baby can learn a word at ten months, which I would hope because a goddamn gorilla can learn words, you tell her that if someone drove a car made out of ice into a volcano, they could extinguish the volcano. Or tell her something harmful, like putting centipedes in your ears will clear out all the wax and then the wax will poison them and they curl up into a ball and just roll right back out.
Fuck That Cousin,
H.S.