1. Bald patch on my left thigh from sitting the laptop on my lap and having the extreme battery heat absorbed into my leg.
2. The faster I type, the more the screen wobbles back and forth.
3. Volume of cooling fan louder than industrial carpet fan.
4. Smell from cooling fan worse than that from industrial carpet fan used to clean up smell from spilled aquarium that someone vomited in.
5. Letters “B” “I” “K” “I” “N” “I” “S” “L” “I” “P” worn down from google searching.
6. I’m pretty sure that it is somehow becoming heavier. Possible explanations include dust accumulation and curses.
7. Small pop-ups that used to inform me of necessary updates have changed from white to red to dark red to red with animated flames on top.
8. New icons have appeared in the Control Panel, including one called “MacStore.com” and another that is unnamed but is represented by a picture of a boy with Downs Syndrome.
9. Battery life shorter than lifespan of baby with holes in all parts of its heart.
10. Discovery that I’m using the same laptop as the guy who runs the desk at the adult arcade.