Headline: Nerd Wins Some Contest That You Don’t Even Understand the Rules of, Stands at Podium
Headline: Guest Speaker at Assembly That Everyone Attended and Knows About Already
Headline: Sports Team Loses, Did You Know the Season Was Still On?
Headline: That’s a Kid Holding a Giant Pumpkin
page 2: Headlines Doing Lifting for Poorly Cropped, Dotty B&W Photos
Headline: Can You Fucking Believe That Kids Do a Club Where They Raise a Pig? 2010?
Headline: A Kid Who Goes Here is Dead, People Pretend He Wasn’t Kind of a Dick.
Headline: School Lunch Compared to Packaging Materials
Headline: Serious-Minded Opinions on the Presidential Race from a 16 Year-Old Who Does Not Even Know How to Operate a Drive-Thru ATM.
Headline: Parents and Friends Grasp for Nice Things to Say About Play. “Lighting Better Than Last Time,” says Dad Who Was Almost Running Out the Door While Buttoning His Coat.
Headline: Students Make Awful Parade Float, Stand Around on It for Miles.