Can we talk about how insane this is?
So you buy this ant cage at a toy store or whatever, and then you send a certificate in the mail to some asshole who puts a bunch of ants in a thing and sends them to you.
Who the hell is collecting ants for a living, and why don’t we just do this ourselves? Do you have ant hunting gear? No? Do you have enough money to buy one popsicle and throw it on the ground? Great, setup complete.
So then you get these ants, and you enslave them to build little tunnels until they die. Or you spill them in someone’s bed and then tuck in the covers after dusting them with cornbread crumbs.
And did you guys ever hear this shit: “You have to get a queen. Then you can keep your ant farm going forever!”
How the fuck are you supposed to get a queen ant? And how would you even know? Unless they wear a tiny crown or are the only ants with really long eyelashes to indicate femininity, I don’t think I could tell the difference. I can’t even tell if a dog is a dude until I see that boner, and they have something like that same parts, sort of.
Why would you want a perpetual ant farm anyway? So you could hear them scratching against the plastic forever, waiting for something to tip them over?
And how can they dig through cement in the sidewalk cracks and they can’t dig through the goddamn plastic sides of the ant farm?
Let’s maybe stop keeping bugs in the house. I moved into a house instead of the woods because I don’t want to sleep in the same room as bugs. You wouldn’t have a centipede farm. Or a spider co-op. If you raised earwigs in your house, everyone would be scared to look into the closets for fear of finding a corpse stack. So just because you put them in a cage that has a fake, bright green barn, doesn’t mean that it’s acceptable.
Here’s a tip: if the creature living in your house could turn into a zombie version of itself and appear exactly the same to you, that is not a creature you should be living with.