Digital Death
Has everyone heard of this? If not, I’ll explain as quickly as I can.
Alicia Keys and a bunch of other celebrities got together and declared themselves “Digitally Dead” which meant no Tweets, no Facebook posts, no nothing. The only way to bring them back from the dead was for fans to donate a total of $1 million dollars to benefit some AIDs charity.
The bad news is that this is several multimillionaires who took five days to raise one million dollars, and they did so by not doing work.
The good news is, this gives the green light to lots of great fundraising plans I have in the works, which are just as sane.
-Option: Raise Money by No Longer Showering
I refuse to shower until I raise eight bucks. I suspect that initial donations will be low, but after a couple days they will increase exponentially. I can also “turn up the heat” on the situation by standing closer to people, reaching for things on high shelves more, and by literally turning up the heat until my underarm sweat patches meet in teh center of my back.
-Option: Raise Money by Going on a Hunger Strike
The beauty of this plan is that I get to keep eating. See, when you go on a strike, you stop doing whatever it is you’re striking against. For example, a Labor Strike means you stop doing labor. Therefore, all I have to do is make sure I have a Double Stack handy at all times until the money is raised or acne completely takes over my body to the point I can no longer drive myself to Wendy’s.
-Option: Raise Money by Stopping Hitting My Wife
I will not hit my wife again until we raise $1 million to benefit battered women’s shelters. Do you not send the million to spare my wife, or do you donate and benefit the greater good. Dilemma!
-Option: Raise Money by Not Killing the Last Person Who Donated
All it takes is one person to donate. After that, they’ll work desperately to make others donate so as not to be the last person. Why do all the work when suckers and idiots can do it for me?
-Option: Raise Money by Setting a Brick on the Sidewalk in Front of This House Where a Wheelchair Guy Lives
Until we reach that mil, I’ll et out a huge brick or cinder block or spiked ball on the sidewalk in front of this wheelchair guy’s house. He isn’t aware that he is part of this project, and I’ll put a black bar over his eyes and the bumper stickers on the back of his wheelchair so that nobody can tell him why he’s being tortured.