“Why do I feel like I’ve read a lot of stories about the Mole Man lately? Is it just bad luck or is he everywhere all of a sudden?
It happens from time to time. There was a period in the late 90’s where I felt like I couldn’t turn around without reading something about the Absorbing Man. The guy who can turn into any material and also feels the need to carry around a ball and chain.
And I know we’re getting a little deep here, but the ball and chain? That was a real stupid idea. Your plan to hobble a prisoner is to attach him to a minimum of two weapons? What’s next? “Oh, we make our prisoners carry a very heavy set of knives. Keeps ’em from running away.” Good one, the law.
It’s also strange that the Mole Man has those weird mole people who seem to worship him. I mean, I don’t really know how this happened. And it’s weird because, you know, he was a total knob on the surface, but then he gets down there and everyone thinks he’s the cat’s pajamas, the cat’s meow, the feline AIDS (I made one of those up. See if you can guess which one!). It’s sort of like…imagine if people in Belarus decided that Billy Ray Cyrus was the coolest dude ever. And that they thought Billy Ray Cyrus was the coolest guy ever in America. And then, some dude from Belarus comes to America and suddenly realizes that almost every other American is cooler than Billy Ray Cyrus.
That’s what I imagine it would be like if a moloid came to the surface. That Mole Man wouldn’t seem so rad all of a sudden. In fact, he might be one of the least rad people of all time. Green pants, green shirt, and a green cape? Please.”