“This was fun, although I think my thirst for Big Trouble in Little China was satisfied by Big Trouble in Little China. But when Eric Powell is on a book, so is Pete.
If you’re the kind of person who loved the movie and when you love something, you want more of it, this is for you. If you’re like, “I like Star Wars, so keep ’em comin’!” then you’ll probably be into this too.
I’ve had my fill of Star Wars, PS. There are just some things that you get enough of, and I don’t need them to overstay their welcome. This happened for me about 5 minutes into the pod race of Episode 1, although I wouldn’t fully realize it until partway through Attack of the Clones. I didn’t even go see Episode 3 in the theater, even though that was the one everyone said tied it all together, like it was a rug in Lebowski’s house or something. No shit! We all knew what was coming, we just hadn’t seen it depicted. Then we saw it depicted, and it was no great shakes.
I saw the first new one in the theater, which was okay, although my mom (who usually watches very boring foreign films) said, “I kept waiting for something exciting to happen.” And I tend to agree, it wasn’t all that thrilling for me either. When your Star Wars movie bores MY MOM, you fucked up.
The next one I saw on Netflix. It was a lot less exciting, I’m afraid. A slo-mo chase through the vastness of space? And how does it even make sense? A large ship goes through space just as fast as a small one. Ya’ll are thinking of a medium like water where it takes a long time to turn around a large ship. Space is empty. A large flat ship should turn around just as fast as a small ship, right? Plus, they’re going to run out of gas? If that’s the case, you would still continue in the original direction, at mostly the original speed, without stepping on it, as space is mostly frictionless. During most space voyages, the engines are used to escape Earth’s atmosphere, then to SLOW DOWN once they reach the destination.
Okay, I’m getting all science about a Star Wars movie, but in my defense, I’m getting science about the main plot of the Star Wars movie, which hinges on an Imperial ship not destroying rebel ships for…no real reason.
Rogue One. This one gets credit for filling in one of the all-time nerd plotholes of all time, namely the reason someone would put a shaft that leads straight to the Death Star’s core. This would be like me having a hole that goes straight to my heart in the center of my chest and pretty much just hoping nothing goes wrong. But other than that…eh? I think they get credit for going dark and having a war-like movie, but to those people I say, OKAY SO THE DEATH OF JEB PORKINS DOESN’T MOVE YOU? WHY? BECAUSE HE’S FAT!?
But among all my complaints, I think the real truth is that I got my fill of Star Wars. I got my fill of Ghostbusters about halfway through Ghostbusters II. I got my fill of Terminator before I was even old enough to see a Terminator movie in the theater. I got my fill of Halloween from the original.
Some franchises made good on later sequels. Nightmare On Elm Street probably peaked at part III. Rocky has worked surprisingly well in sequels.
But overall, I’m good on most things, including Big Trouble in Little China. I hope that, instead of remaking or making a sequel (because BOY has John Carpenter’s stuff been recycled a lot! And badly!), I hope that filmmakers and studios will make new stuff so that this era can have its own Big Trouble in Little China, some quirky thing that 30 years from now people will say “That only could’ve been made in the 2020’s.” “