“This is a true, comic book story of a man who eschewed romantic relationships in favor of fulfilling his needs for love through friends and his needs for sex through prostitutes.
At the time of the events chronicled, out-call prostitution was legal in Canada. This meant that a prostitute could visit a john in the john’s home or a hotel, but they could not operate out of a brothel.
If you already have very strong views regarding prostitution, I don’t think this book is going to be for you. It probably won’t change your mind.
However, if you’re like most people who THINK they have strong views on it but if you’re being honest you haven’t really put that much thought into it, then it’s worth a read.
The other thing, Chester comes off as a bit odd in the book. Maybe a little cold. Because we see his inner thoughts as well as what he says, something that you only really get on this level in comics, he can come off as very blunt in a lot of situations. So if you struggle reading books where the narrator isn’t super likeable, this probably isn’t for you.
A lot of the book makes a case for the decriminalization of prostitution. This is different from legalization as legalization means that it would be government-regulated whereas decriminalizing would just mean it’s not something you could get in trouble for anymore. Legalizing would mean licenses and whatnot, decriminalizing wouldn’t.
As me, it’s kind of hard to know how I feel. I don’t really want to waste anyone’s time speculating on whether or not this is a workable system, and if you want to know a TON about that, read this book. Seriously, he’s got it covered.
No, dear friends, I think the more interesting thought experiment for me would be this:
If prostitution were decriminalized in Colorado on January 1st, meaning we could be stoned and paying for sex on the same wild day, would Pete consider it?
And by consider it, I mean considering BEING a prostitute.
Well, I’m going to make some assumptions first.
Assumption 1: Someone would actually be interested in hiring me to have sex with them. Frankly I’ve been trying to GIVE this stuff away, and so far not a lot of takers. But let’s just assume that it’s because people feel guilty getting the goods (this feels gross now. Just now) so cheap, and once they could pay for it they would feel better.
Assumption 2: The going rate would be $200. Is that reasonable? I have no idea. But it makes it a lot easier to do the math in my head, and $100 seems a little light. Right? Maybe? Let’s also assume that $200 is either untaxed or the post-tax number.
Assumption 3: I would have agency in terms of who I decide to see. This was kind of a big point in the book, that prostitutes should have the option to say No or screen johns just the way johns have the option to say No or decide who they would like to sleep with. It’s a two-way street. So while I acknowledge that most if not all my customers would unlikely be someone I would try to pick up at a bar (listen to me, talking like a guy who can pick up people at a bar. This whoring is getting to my head), I could make decisions to pass on women who were drunk or seemed sketchy, and probably men in general. Sorry guys? I mean, you fellas haven’t seemed to interested up to now, so I’ll assume that light apology has us square.
Assumption 4: I could have a “menu” of things that I would and would not do. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. In terms of what happens during the appointment, I am in control. This would be on the table before I met up with someone, so they would already be aware. Along with this assumption, I run the risk that someone I see will try to push the boundaries or even “order off menu” by force. I have to do my best to assess my potential clients, and because prostitution is decriminalized in this world, I can go to the police if something awful happens because what I’m doing is not against the law. Although I would think that if all this law changing happened it would be about 10 minutes before there was a Yelp for prostitutes and johns. I’ll leave it up to you all what hilarious name it would have as Yelp is already taken and I think that would have been a home run in this case.
Assumption 5: I couldn’t be fired from my job for this. Much in the way that people from my work wouldn’t be fired for having a series of consensual one-night stands, if I decided to engage in prostitution and it didn’t come in to play at work, then game on.
Assumption 6: I am me. I’m not a 16 year old girl kidnapped from Eastern Europe. I’m not a drug addict. I’m not Marky Mark either. I’m the exact same guy with the same background and experiences. So if I sound a little blase about the whole thing, just remember that I’m talking only about me, not about the institution of prostitution. That’s a great name for a Nirvana cut that just happened by accident there.
Assumption 7: Most of these appointments would be centered around the pleasure of the client. I wouldn’t likely get much, if any, sexual gratification from them.
Assumption 8: Look…I’m not going to make any wild claims about my prowess in the bedroom here. That doesn’t really seem like a Goodreads-y brag. Let’s just assume that through the magical combination of Will&Pill I could work it all out on an adequate level.
So. Would I do it?
Let’s talk turkey. Which means money for some reason. Maybe because that crap is expensive as hell at the grocery store. If I got 6 bucks per pound for prostituting myself, I would be chugging microwaved Haagen Dazs and raking it in. Those turkeys are on easy street.
Anyway, this WOULD have a pretty significant impact money-wise. I mean, every appointment would increase my income 10%. 10 appointments a month would equal my current pay. And let me tell you, it’s tough out here. I’m in a weird position. I’ve been looking for a little weekend work, and nobody is interested in me. Seriously. I’ve applied for every dishwasher and janitorial job that hits Craigslist. Nothing.
Prostituting twice a week would mean I could pay off my student loans in less than a year without touching the money from my regular job.
Now, I’m told that money doesn’t buy happiness. That’s what I’m told. What I KNOW from experience is that having no money does not equal happiness either. What no money buys is carpet that is not clearly grey or brown but some color in the middle. Diner Gravy would be my best guess for what’s printed under the swatch. I think we can all agree that money is not the most important factor in the happiness equation, but that being a broke ass fool is not fun.
There is a consideration when it comes to disease. I think that’s something that stops some people from visiting a prostitute. The fear of disease. I guess my thinking there is that it’s not a lot more risky than having one-night stands, which lots of people do. Except in a one-night stand you might be less able to control any part of the situation.
Someone really should set up a dating site filter for diseases. You know, if I have herpes, I could check the herpes box and then get matched up with someone else who has herpes. That way, who gives a shit? Or at the very least you could avoid a very awkward conversation.
Another thing to think about, what does this do to my future relationships? Do people want to date an ex hooker man? An ex TJ Hooker, if you will?
The answer to that one is a little sad. I think I’ve hit a point in my life where there’s not much use to making decisions based on what my hypothetical, possibly non-existent future wife would think about those decisions. She may or may not ever show up, and if she does, who knows what she’ll be like. I guess I run the risk of repelling a soul mate, but on the other hand it’s possible that my soul mate would be repelled by…I don’t know, the Diner Gravy carpeting? So basing a decision on that is futile.
So what it clearly comes down to, for me, is whether or not it’s something I could do without causing myself too much emotional distress.
Maybe I would hate it. Maybe I would do it once, feel some kind of intense loneliness and never consider it again. But again, I think that’s a risk you run with a one-night stand as well. Or even a long term relationship for that matter. You might not like it. But you have the option to never do it again.
I’m almost positive I wouldn’t like it. But what if it opened serious doors for me? Meant I could live wherever I wanted without securing a job first. Meant I could go back to school if I wanted. Meant I’d have twice as much free time. Meant I didn’t have to wake up early ever again. Would I like my new life enough to feel that it was a worthwhile trade-off?
I guess maybe the point here is that I’m an educated, thoughtful, nice person. Who would consider hooking if it were legal and therefore it was possible to set up some structure for myself. So while nobody can guarantee that prostitution wouldn’t be a corrupt, horrible system that ended poorly for a lot of people, I CAN look at it and say…”Well, I might do it myself.”
You should check out this book. Don’t worry about reading the appendices. They take things a little too far. But read it and tell me what you think. Is Chester crazy? Am I crazy? Am I (god forbid) crazIER than Chester?
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